


Forget Me Not

by Wilson66



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Car Accidents, Confused Rey, Dancing in the Rain, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Memory Loss, Memory Related, Modern Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Rehabilitation, Rey Needs A Hug, Secrets, SwoloFic, Tags Are Hard, Therapist Luke Skywalker, art attack, motorbike ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-24 01:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15619371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wilson66/pseuds/Wilson66
Summary: What makes you the person you are today?Is it your memories? Your experience? Your personality?And what if one day that was all stripped away?who would you be then?For Rey, there are no what if's, this is who she is.*Biting her lip at his words, staring at the drink in her hands, she sighs “I.. ah have this memory thing.”Why was she talking to him about this?Her mouth had been stuck like glue for weeks in front of Skywalker, her thoughts and feelings struggling to become words, but something had changed. Whether it be the storm or this stranger, Rey felt something unlocking in her mind.“Like amnesia?” Voice soft, she suddenly felt immensely shy, nodding she tightened her hold on her cup.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the members of the Writing Den, you are awesome!
> 
> Thank you @Azuwrite for being my beta and making this readable!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the members of the Writing Den, you are all awesome!
> 
> Thank you to my amazing beta @Azuwrite for the support and the fab MoodBoard

[](https://ibb.co/fATb7e)

The sound of the raindrops hitting the window pane caught Rey’s notice, she watched as the trees and bushes were ravished by the storm outside.

 

“Rey?” Luke’s gentle tone pulled her away from her musings, his piercing blue eyes catching her hazel ones as she returned her attention fully back towards him.

 

“I’m sorry Doctor Skywalker, the rain..” Her eyes can’t help but be pulled back to the world outside, missing the sad smile that flickers across the features of the ageing man sitting before her.

 

“You enjoy the rain, Rey?” The question twinges something painful in her chest, a memory niggling at the very edge of her consciousness, but this was her life. Trying to remember the woman she had been, sitting opposite this wise old man with those ocean blue eyes, neatly trimmed greying hair and beard, the outfit always the same of a well-fitted brown suit.

 

But the details about herself were truly still a mystery, she knew she had hazel eyes. She had studied them once she had been allowed to look at her reflection in the mirror, the flecks of green that shone in a certain light from the depths of brown. Her hair was brown, she remembered scrutinizing it, running it through her fingers trying to ingrain the feeling of it to memory. Her freckles had been a surprise, first hidden underneath the deep bruises her skin had evolved from a range of colours before settling, revealing the constellation of marks before her.

 

“I don’t remember.” Her voice is almost a whisper, turning her body from the window, the calm of the storm almost seems to offend her now.

 

_ How dare the world be so alive, when I feel so dead inside. _

 

Clutching the sleeves of her plaid shirt, she can feel the nails of her hands stinging into the flesh of her palm as her breathing seems to shallow.

 

“Rey, I need you to listen to me and breathe.” 

 

_ In.Out.In.Out _

 

Jumping from her position on the overused, battered leather chair, she snaps the curtains closed enveloping the room in a light blue glow.

 

_ In.Out.In.Out _

 

“Rey,” Flinching at Skywalker’s gentle tone brings the familiar burn of tears to her eyes. “Can you talk to me about it?”

 

Releasing a breath she feels herself shake her head to tell him, no, the word sticking in her throat. She doesn’t understand why she feels calm from the storm, why the noise of the rain brings a smile to her lips.

 

She’s out the door as soon as Luke says that their time together is over, stalking down the beige painted corridor at a rushed pace, she doesn’t know her destination, but she can’t stay here. 

 

Turning the corner she collides with a wall of height and muscle, her feet slip from under her as a large hand encases her wrist helping her remain on her feet. 

 

_ Tall. _ The first thing that comes to mind as she raises her eye line to meet the man she has run in to, she could blame the head injury, but as she meets the honey-coloured eyes framed by his mane of inky black hair, she seems to forget everything.

 

“In a hurry?” His voice is low, smooth like whiskey as the sound erupt goosebumps on her arms, nodding dumbly she realises he still holds her wrist within his fingers. Rey can’t help but notice how easily his long, slender fingers wrap around her wrist, the blush warming her cheeks as he lets her go, a  mumbled apology quickly spoken before she sets off again in her intended direction.

 

*

 

Rey had retreated to her room, the soothing tones of yellow that usually calmed only made her feel more on edge, her eyes constantly drifting to the outside world. The glimmer of a memory brushing her mind, the feeling of the raindrops against her skin, the wind blowing her hair from her scalp and with a striking clarity she knew where she needed to be.

 

The converse she had worn on her first day had been left untouched at the door as she quickly forced her bare feet into them, wrapping her shirt around herself she bolted downstairs, ignoring the concerned staff and other patients as her mind focused on this one-tracked thought.

 

The door to the garden stuck for a moment as she pushed her entire body weight against it and then she was free. Skin soaked in an instant, the roar of the leaves clearing her mind as she gazed up at the thundering grey sky. 

 

Forgotten muscles are awoken as she felt herself smiling and laughing for the first time she could remember and she couldn’t even explain why. Wiping the rain from her face she turned and caught the eye of the tall man watching her from the dry safety of inside, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips. 

 

Her teeth chattered as she returned and a new sense of calm encompassed her, feeling the need to join him. She gives a small thanks as he hands her a towel, wrapping it around herself she accepts the tea handed to her as she joins this stranger in the seating area facing the garden.

 

“My name’s Ben,” Extending his hand, she’s once again shocked by the sheer size of him. He’s handsome in an unconventional way. Pale skin dotted by moles, a long nose which directs her eyes to a set of plump, full lips framed by a moustache and goatee the same colour of inky black that frames his face. He’s kind, Rey senses that already as her hand gently touch his own, those dark honey-coloured eyes captivating, that voice as sweet as sugar.

 

His clothes were well-fitted, the expensive white silk dress shirt hung to his broad shoulders, the trousers defining the length of his toned legs.

 

“Rey.” Smiling softly, she sighs when noticing the storm blowing over, the sun finally fighting its way through. His eyes are already on her when she returns her gaze back to him, the blush from when she collided with him returning to her cheeks. “You must think I’m crazy.”

 

“You’re not the first person to be caught dancing in the rain Rey.” He takes a hold of his drink and smiles as he takes a sip. The smell of coffee reminded Rey of her own drink, nursing what looks like tea between her hands, the warmth returning to her digits. “But you sure look disappointed it’s gone.”

 

The way he says her name brings a shiver across her skin, it rolls off his tongue like it’s a well-used phrase, his voice deep and calms her mind for what feels like the first time in months.

 

Biting her lip at his words, staring at the drink in her hands, she sighs “I.. ah have this memory thing.” 

 

_ Why was she talking to him about this?   _

 

Her mouth had been stuck like glue for weeks in front of Skywalker, her thoughts and feelings struggling to become words, but something had changed. Whether it be the storm or this stranger, Rey felt something unlocking in her mind.

 

“Like amnesia?” Voice soft, she suddenly felt immensely shy, nodding she tightened her hold on her cup. 

 

“Nothing feels right.” A whispered confession falls from her lips, “I feel like a stranger in my own body, everyone around me knows more about me than I do and I hate it.” Hazel eyes flicker to deep brown and she can’t seem to pull away, “But at that moment outside... For the first time in forever, I felt…”

 

Footsteps heading in their direction snaps Rey from her confession, rising to her feet, she places the untouched drink on the table. “Thank you for the tea Ben.” She doesn’t meet his gaze, doesn’t look back when she hears Skywalker behind her as she retreats back to her room, berating herself for saddling this poor stranger of her tale of woe.

 

She misses the look of pain that hits Ben at her retreating form, the tear that escapes from his eyes as she rounds the corner, and the gentle hand and words of comfort that are passed from Luke Skywalker to the grieving Ben Solo.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Let me know what you think :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that has taken the time to read, comment etc the first chapter of  
> Forget Me Not, I never thought that anyone would read it so didn't really plan for a second chapter!
> 
> Thank you @Azuwrite for the beautiful moodboard and for being my amazing beta and making this readable for everyone!
> 
> Hope you like it!

[](https://ibb.co/hvtLYK)

The facility that Rey currently calls home is situated in the middle of the British countryside. Originally built by Luke's great-grandfather, the stone-built building had a grand feel to it, flanked by thick woods that cut it off from the rest of the world. It had easily been converted into a rehabilitation retreat for service men and women from all around the world who are struggling to return to civilian life. It had been Luke's idea after dealing with his own struggles, after fighting for his country, resulting in the loss of his hand.

 

Rey knew all this from the brochure she was currently skim-reading in the reception area of the grand old house.

 

She didn’t have an appointment today, normally the fact she didn’t have to deal with an hour of awkward silence, sitting quietly facing Luke would have been a comfort, but today she couldn't shrug off the jittery feeling bubbling inside.

 

Brunette hair tied back in a bun, dressed in a white tank and an old pair of denim shorts, even the oversized plaid shirt she wore every day brought her little comfort this morning. Biting her thumbnail, she failed to notice the presence standing over her.

 

“Rey.” Her body jerks at the feel of Luke's hand on her shoulder, the sensation causing him to quickly pull away.

 

“Sorry, I've been calling you for five minutes.” Kind eyes look down at her, wearing a similarly coloured brown suit and a slightly wrinkled, cream shirt. It sometimes felt to Rey that time was standing still in this place.

 

“I was thinking, maybe, you could take a walk around the grounds today?”

 

A look of confusion must have crossed her face as he gestured outside. “It's a beautiful morning.” 

 

*

“Rey, I have someone I would like to formally introduce you to.” Turning out the glass doors, she notices the tall, friendly stranger from the storm, leaning against the wall of the house.

 

_ Ben _

 

She can feel her stomach flip at the memory of him from the night before, the echo of the raindrops on her skin and the tall, kind stranger waiting in the warmth for her.

 

She feels herself frown at the excitement that rises within her stomach, just from the very sight of this man.

 

_ He’s handsome. _

 

Well,  _ obviously _ , she berates her own thoughts. His black hair is longer than she realised the day before, brushing his broad shoulders. Speaking of shoulders, his wide frame appears to be straining the very fabric of the grey t-shirt he’s decided to wear on this sunny day, his thighs must be stifling in the fitted navy jeans that finish off his outfit.

 

A blush burns her cheeks as their eyes meet, biting his lip, it’s apparent that he has easily caught her checking him out.

 

“I know we have don’t have a session planned, but I was wondering if you would enjoy a walk around the grounds with my nephew, Ben.” Oblivious to Rey’s current mortification, Luke introduces the pair before quickly making his excuses and leaving.

  
  


Cheeks still tinged with pink, they easily find a rhythm walking together. Rey took in the well-tended gardens she had taken for granted the past few weeks, wild roses in soft pinks and crystal whites, bloomed in the unusual heat of August, the edges slightly brown with the lack of rain that they had been living off of.

 

The crunching of gravel underfoot, Rey finds herself running her thumb along her ring finger, a nervous habit she has noticed that she possesses.

 

_ An old habit or a new one, I wonder. _

 

Focusing on keeping her steps in line with his, she fails to notice how Ben has caught the action too, nervously running his bottom lip between his teeth.

 

“How are you feeling today?”

 

“Fine,” she replies almost instantly, the monotone of her voice making his steps falter and a frown to cross over his face.

 

“Rey.” His hand is warm as it comes into contact with her arm gently halting her, the involuntary shiver that hits her skin, not missed by either of them. 

 

“How are you really?”

 

Her mouth feels dry as she looks into his dark, chocolate-coloured eyes, watching her earnestly, gaze flickering back to the house that has helped so many.

 

“I can’t.” Shaking her head, she feels his grip tighten as she shrinks back, her voice barely above a whisper, “Not here.” 

 

“I have somewhere we can go.” Fingers entwined together, as he takes her hand.

*

Walking through the woods, the rich smells of wild garlic and lavender waft up her nose as the main house is quickly forgotten. Ben knows this place, the way he navigates the area without a path, sure-footed until they reach a lonesome wooden shed that’s clearly seen better days.

 

A genuine smile crosses his face as he turns to her, gesturing to the hideaway, “Luke had this built for me when I lived here with him as a kid.” Pushing the door open, the hinges groaned with the movement after such a long time of being stationary. “My safe place.”

 

Dust particles fill the air from the sudden disturbance, objects abandoned, untouched since their last time used. Pieces of fabric are bundled in a corner, Rey notices and watches Ben comfortably move around this area that must have brought him solace in his youth.

 

Mumbling to himself for a second, he turns, catching her eye, “I have an idea, but I need you to trust me.” 

 

“Ok,” she practically squeaks as he moves closer, slowly invading her personal space. Gently, he guides her to turn, facing away from him and requesting in his deep voice to close her eyes.

 

Hands covering them, it seems like every other sense is heightened as she hears the sounds of him moving behind her, and a few minutes later, he calls her name to look.

 

One of the fabrics from the corner has been draped against the far wall, an assortment of tins are lined up on one of the rickety tables, the aroma of wet paint wafting up her nostrils as she examines the variety of colours before her.

 

Turning to Ben with the silent question on her face, he flicks his wrist to the once white bed sheet. “I was an angry teenager when I lived here with Luke, smashing my room was expensive so he came up with this idea.”

 

Leading her so she’s standing before a blank canvas, his body heat almost scalds her skin through their clothes, “I want you to tell me how you really feel while you throw paint at this.”

 

“And why would I want to do that?”

 

“Because I think, Rey,” he smiles softly as she hands him her prized plaid shirt, he folds it, putting it far from the paint, “that you need to let go.”

 

*

She picks the colour blue first, but she can’t tell him why it feels like the best colour. Ancient paintbrush in hand, the last few bristles hanging on for dear life as she runs it along the fabric of bedsheet, a blue trail left in its wake.

 

“No, Rey.” She can feel him behind her, grabbing another tin from the table and launching its contents across the floor, hitting its target with an almighty splash. A crimson splatter spreads across her pathetic attempt. “Let go,” he murmurs to her as he returns the tin. 

 

Biting her bottom lip, her hand releases the brush, dropping it on the floor as she grasps the tin in both hands. The first attempt to hit her target is a poor excuse, barely covering a third of Ben’s red, the second is much better.

 

“How do you feel?”

 

“Fine.” Another splatter of paint, this time an emerald green that reminds her of the woods outside.

 

“Rey?”

 

“Fine.” A deep indigo is next,  her hands becoming slippery with the paint that has missed its target.

 

“What are you feeling?”

 

“Fine.”

 

On and on they go, Rey beginning to struggle with each tin as her arms ache. Ben stands, leaning against the far wall, watching as the faded white of the sheet is slowly replaced with an array of colours.

 

Nearing the last of the paints, he asks one more time as the paint tin she holds slips out of her hands, the crash of it connecting with the wall seems to echo around them.

 

“How should I feel?” Snapping, she spins around to face him, paint covered hands forgotten as she runs them through her hair.

 

“I haven’t fought in a war, I haven’t lost a limb.” Volume rising, her hands tighten into fists, “I have no right to be anything other than fine when people who did those things are struggling.”

 

He’s up on his feet at once, concern etched on those handsome features, arms stretched like he wanted to hold her. The soft way he speaks her name spurns her on.

 

“I shouldn’t complain that I can’t remember my birthday or if I had a pet when I was a kid or what my friends are called.” Grabbing the crimson red from earlier, breathing ragged, she launches the tin at the wall.

 

“WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?”

 

Sobbing hard, the tears fall quickly as strong arms encase her into a hug. 

 

_ Holding me together. _

 

Not wanting to break his grip, she turns in his arms, sobbing hard against his chest. The dam burst, her voice broken by the shudders of her body. 

 

“I’ve never felt so alone.”

 

Head resting on the crown of her head, his arms tightening almost painfully at her words. “You’re not alone.”

 

Reciprocating his hug, she feels his whole body tighten for a second before he releases a shuddering breath. “Neither are you.”

 

She can’t explain why she says it, but at that moment, it just feels right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Thoughts? Let me know :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments, views and Kudos to both previous chapters, it literally brings a smile to my face and keeps me typing!
> 
> As always thank you to my beautiful beta @Azuwrite! And for the members of House SWOLO!

[](https://ibb.co/hVjicp)

“I can take that to be washed for you if you’d like?” The familiar voice of Karen, one of the nurses Rey had come to recognise during her stay, catches her attention. The woman barely stands at 5ft, with short, cropped red hair and grey eyes that crinkled when she laughed. It was well known that Karen adored gossip and if she didn’t know a snippet of information, it was because it wasn’t worth knowing.

 

Rey nervously held on to the plaid shirt, but she knew that the older woman was right. Constantly wearing it, the bright red and navy shirt had begun to show the dirt and grime from the use. It buried her, falling almost to her knees and engulfing her hands when the sleeves were rolled all the way down. It brought her comfort, which was why she tried to calm her anxiety as she handed it over before heading downstairs for her next session with Luke, trying to ignore the naked feeling of being in just her grey t-shirt and navy jeans.

 

*

 

“I want to try something different in today’s session, Rey.” Luke watched as Rey tried to focus on his words, with the lack of plaid material to hold between her fingers she couldn’t calm the jittery feeling inside of her, every so often her thumb ran across her ring finger nervously.

 

Nodding her head, she tried to focus on her therapist. Like usual he wore a suit, this time in a deep navy plaid with a pale blue shirt underneath. The material looked expensive but well-worn, Rey decided from judging the man’s office that it was Luke’s style. Everything around her, from the leather seats to the sets of books crammed into the bookshelves, screamed well-used, quality belongings.

 

“I want you to tell me as much as you can remember about the accident.” Instantly, Rey’s breathing hitched, her nails digging into the plush leather of her seat as she tried to calm the range of emotions that washed over her.

 

_ In. Out. In. Out _

 

The mantra that had helped her during her time here ran through her head as she tried to pinpoint the feelings she was experiencing. Closing her eyes, she forgot the scratch of pen on paper from Luke’s notepad, the singing of the birds outside, and instead, she focused on what she felt, reaching out to a moment she both dread and struggled to remember.

 

The strongest feeling was obvious: fear.

 

Her entire body seemed to want to convulse in on itself, her side ached from the forgotten trauma. A deep-rooted fear built within her chest, struggling to push the emotion down, she realised what she was remembering. This was the fear of one's mortality. Rey had faced death, his skeleton hand had reached out to her and she managed to escape with her life.

 

After the fear faded, the sense of freezing cold took its place.

 

Not like coldness from being outside on a winter’s night, this was a bone-chilling freeze. This was a cold that turns limbs to stone, where warmth is something of a vague notion.

 

And deep down, a feeling she couldn’t imagine she would feel with her impending destruction:  _ Guilt. _

 

Not for herself or the life, she would be missing out on. Rey couldn't remember much about her history or what drove her as a person, but from what she had rebuilt of herself, she knew that she was not the type of person to wallow in self-pity; this was guilt over leaving someone behind.

 

Eyes snapping open, she gasps as a minuscule cloud of fog is lifted. She remembers the squeal of tires, the role of her stomach as gravity pulled her body downwards, and suddenly she came to a dawning realisation.

 

She hadn’t been alone in the car.

 

*

 

She felt drained; she had told Luke her revelation, he had sat and quietly nodded, already privy to the information she had given. Eventually, he had delivered a revelation of his own.

 

Rey was ready to leave.

 

She didn’t feel ready, she wanted to scream at the old man, beg to stay in the comfort of this place that, if she was honest with herself, she didn’t feel like she deserved, but deep down she knew he was right.

 

Technically, she was healed, she didn’t need to stay. She could go home.

 

The sound of an engine making its way up the drive sent a wave of warm familiarity rushing through her as she darts towards the entrance, pushing through the double doors. Soft rumbles of the exhaust brought her closer until the engine switched off and she came face to face with a leather-wearing Ben Solo.

 

_ Oh, God. _

 

Frozen to the spot, her eyes raked over the leather-clad plains of his body. The black material he bore compliments his hair as he pulls off his safety helmet, smiling when he notices her.

 

“Hey, are you ok?” His leather-gloved hand reaches forwards as a hot flush rushes across Rey’s skin.

 

“What? Um.”

 

_ Drool. You are literally drooling in front of this man! _

 

Self consciously, she wipes her bottom lip, noting how his dark eyes linger on the soft pink flesh. With great difficulty, she focuses on his face.

 

“I, um, just got out of a session with Luke.”

 

“Good or bad?”

 

“Exhausting, I remembered…” The guilt she had recounted in her memory gnawed at her gut, averting her eyes, she focused on her breathing, eyes focusing on his as an idea formed in her head.

 

“Can you take me for a ride?”

 

“Oh, um, I’m not sure.” She could feel the internal battle within him, so she batted her lashes and locked on to his gaze, he heaved a heavy sigh in response.

 

“Fine,” moving to a hidden compartment within the body of the machine, he pulls out a wrinkled, light-blue leather jacket and matching helmet, “but you have to wear these.”

 

*

_ Exhilarating! _

 

Her heart felt like it would burst any second as she was swept along the English countryside, her arms wrapped tightly around Ben’s waist, she tried not to focus on the solid flesh she had the joy of feeling, even through the thick leather.

 

Her arms were protected with her own jacket, although slightly baggy, she felt invincible racing through the narrow, winding roads that Ben seemed to know like the back of his hand. Her stomach flipped as he manoeuvred the bike around each turn, his thighs easily gripping the seat as their speed quickened with every turn.

 

Green splotches zoomed past, her converse gripped onto the footpegs, but she never felt so safe. Nestled into his broad back, her stomach twists as the bike pick up speed once more.

 

The ride flies by too quickly, it seems, as they drive up the gravel driveway, returning to reality.

 

When the bike slows and the engine is cut, Rey swings her leg over, standing to her feet with Ben still seated, bringing them to an equal height. Ripping off the helmet, she can’t tame the grin almost splitting her face in two.

 

“That was so amazing!” Adrenaline coursing through her body as Ben pulls off his own helmet, his smile mirroring her own. Lunging at him, she almost knocks him and the bike over as she hugs him the best she can.

 

“Thank you,” She whispers in his ear, feeling the shiver that runs through him. Pulling away, she notes the blush of Ben’s cheeks as their eyes meet, an array of emotions she can’t name playing across his features as the call of both their names pulls them from the moment.

 

Luke moves towards them, his suit revealed wrinkles from the wear of the day. Eyeing them both, he gestures to Ben. “Rey, do you mind? I would like a moment with my nephew.”

 

“Of course.” Smiling, she pulls the jacket off before handing it over and heading inside. Intrigued by the two men, she decides to stay close, loitering in the entrance hall instead of retreating to her room.

 

Eyes never leaving the duo, Rey doesn’t notice Karen standing beside her, she jumps before she’s handed her newly washed and ironed plaid shirt.

 

“Good as new.” They smile at one another before Rey’s eyes flicker back to the men outside.

 

“This might be none of my business, dear, but I’m really happy for you both.” The older woman pats her gently as she starts to move away.

 

Confused, Rey follows, the scene outside forgotten. “Both?”

 

“You and your husband? Personally, honey, I’ve never seen a man as distraught as he has been about you.” Karen smiles as she tidies the reception before turning back to face Rey. “I always knew you’d remember him eventually, with you always wearing his shirt…” The last word falls from her lips as a sense of dread hits her, noticing Rey’s face.

 

Deathly pale, her hazel eyes filled with tears as she stared down at the shirt she’d already slid back on, mouth opening and closing like a fish stuck on dry land, her eyes rose to meet the men who have followed her inside, still deep in conversation.

 

She finds her voice, cracking on the word that seemed stuck in her throat.

 

“Husband?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: The nervous ring habit from the last chapter and this one is one of my habits, a piece of useless information for everyone!
> 
> Thoughts? Or if you wanna just say hi! Let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the beautiful members of the Writing Den and my amazing beta @azuwrite!
> 
> Please check the updated tags! If you have any suggestions for anymore let me know!

[](https://ibb.co/h5K8tU)

The ‘flight’ instinct won out as soon as Rey whispered that single word to Ben, the mixture of shock and relief flickered across his features before quickly being crushed by the realisation that Karen had made a monumental mistake.

Rey hadn’t remembered, she had been told.

To watch the utter devastation befall someone she had already grown to care about had broken something deep within her, another thread to add to the blanket of emotions that seemed to constantly weigh her down.

Bolting for the trees, she had yearned for the sweet solace of the secret hideaway Ben had shown her only days ago, ignoring his screams, asking her to wait and give him a chance as her feet lead her away.

Leave me be so I may lick my wounds in peace.

The burning of betrayal has her pushing onwards, navigating her way deep into nature, scaring the wildlife as she smashes through their habitat, searching for her destination.

Snagging her foot in a tree root, she hits the ground hard, the draughted ground almost as hard as concrete. The impact knocked her sick as her vision blurred, she begins to feel the pull of unconsciousness as the faint sound of pounding footfalls running towards her focuses her waning attention, a broken sob punctures another wound within her heart.

*  
“Is her head ok?”

“The CT scan came up fine, Ben.”

“What about her ribs? Do we know if she’s hurt anything from before?”

“Ben, I swear to god, go and sit down over there.”

The voices clear up slowly, like a radio being  
in. A torch straight to the eye has her grimacing, scrambling to sit up and realising she is currently lying on a hospital gurney.

“Rey, hey.” A man Rey doesn’t recognise gently helps her sit up, the squeak of chair legs on laminate flooring has her cringing when the noise vibrates in her eardrum.

“Shit.” The curse helps Rey centre on the voice that she instantly recognises, her eyes focusing on the panic-stricken Ben Solo.

Husband

His hair stands in complete disarray like he’s spent the entire time she’s been out running his shovel-sized hands through it. As if on cue, his hand runs through his messy tresses, pulling the matted dark locks from his face. The hair pushed back reveals dark chocolate-coloured eyes rimmed with red, the constellation of moles and beauty marks compliment each other on his pale complexion, those full, plump lips were almost crimson-coloured as he bites nervously at them.

“Rey, my name is Doctor Dameron. Do you remember what happened?”

Eyes focusing on the doctor, she takes in the warm smile and feels some of her fear subside. His dark olive skin, relaxed cheeky smile and warm dark eyes make Rey feel at ease instantly.

“I know you, don’t I?” Her question makes him still in his study of her, their eyes meeting as his gaze flickers back to Ben.

“You do. The name’s Poe, but can you tell me what happened to have you here in my A&E?”

“I was running in the woods and I fell,” gesturing to the tender part of her head, she winces as Doctor Dameron’s fingers ghost over the skin, “Hit my head.”

“Why were you running?” The look of concern practically confirms their relationship runs deeper than a patient/doctor.

“Because I found out he’s my husband.” Poe’s jaw drops, turning to look at Ben before returning to her.

“You remembered?” She gently shakes her head, wincing at the action and listening to the soft murmurs from Ben about today’s earlier events.

It seems like an eternity of them just staring at one another, Ben was afraid to blink in fear of making her bolt again.

“Shit.” The silence inside the room is deafening, the rush of a busy hospital reminding them all that life exists outside these white, sterile walls. "The mark on your head seems superficial, it'll be tender for a while but shouldn't cause you too much trouble."

As Poe moves to leave, Rey notices how he holds Ben's arm quietly, murmuring about it ‘not being like last time’ before making a hasty retreat, leaving the two alone. The noise of the hall as he closes the door is a stark contrast to the tense silence within.

Adrenaline abating, Ben feels his heart jump, the overwhelming panic seeping into his bones as his body seems to catch up with the events unfolding.

Feeling light-headed, he tries to move towards the plastic seat, his knees catch onto the frame and he nearly nosedives to the ground. Breath coming in sharp gasps, he struggles to focus on anything, the faint outline of Rey suddenly in front of him as he blindly grabs hold of her arms.

“I hate this fucking place,” the words tumble from his lips as sobs wreck his body. Rey is on her knees in front of him, running her hands through his sweat-riddled hair like she’d done so many times before. Her fingers gently touch the shell of both his ears as she speaks soothingly, her thumbs wiping away the tears that track down his face.

"I can't lose you again."

“I’m not going anywhere, ok?” Rey was his anchor, the lighthouse in the storm. He’s been a fraud since the accident, merely mimicking her strong force of nature that he had easily grown to love and became dependant on.

“I’m- I’m so sorry Rey.” Gasping, Ben realises Rey is speaking, her words of calm were lost as he seemingly begs for forgiveness to the woman he adores.

“Ben, listen to me, I need you to calm down and breathe.” Their eyes meet, emotions raw as he focuses on the lips he’s worshipped so many times.

“That’s it,” she praises him when he copies her, inhaling and exhaling together as she murmurs kind words of guidance.

“In. Out. In. Out”

The realisation that the words she had used so many times to help herself in her own recovery had originally not been for her, she had supported him with this pain before.

“Just breathe Ben.”

Ben’s breathing evens out, but she can’t make herself move away from him, her fingers running through his hair, gently scraping against his scalp, causing him to shiver. On instinct, he moves towards her, needing the comfort of her lips on his, gasping she pulls away from him, turning to avoid the look of sorrow filling his eyes.

“I’m sorry Ben,” sighing, she turns to face him realising he had risen on his shaky legs, “I need time to process all this.” She gestured between them, still incapable of meeting his eyes. 

*  
Finn

Beautiful Finn had come to her rescue at the hospital after Ben’s panic attack and after they agreed that they both needed time to process the day's events.

Ben had begrudgingly accepted her request.

After she had been given the all clear, Finn had arrived like a knight in shining armour, helping her gather her things to spend the night at his place while Poe spent some time with Ben.

That’s how Rey found herself here, bundled up with a teal blanket, the promise of an evening with friends. Rey took a moment to get comfortable on Finn’s sofa, the fragrance of the fabric softener bringing her at ease. The house that he had told her they had once shared but now he lived in with his partner Poe, it was quaint. It sat at the end of a street not too far from the hospital and it screamed the two men's style, modern and homey meshing together.

From her position, she can hear Finn on the phone in the kitchen where he disappeared to make them food, his quiet murmurings bringing a familiar comfort.

He’s important to me.

With that thought, the powerless feeling she had felt when she had seen Ben break in front of her eyes at the hospital returned. Her actions were instinct in providing him with comfort which both made her optimistic with improving her memories, but also sad that it hadn’t been a single occurrence for Ben.

The man is more broken than I realised.

The front door opens, snapping Rey from her musings. A feminine voice calls to Finn before Rey comes face to face with a small, smiley Vietnamese woman, flanked by a skinny, serious-looking ginger-haired man that screams the definition of ‘resting bitch face’.

Dressed in a comfy, green jumper dress, smiling softly, the young woman stands in the doorway, her hand raised in an awkward wave, “Hey Rey, um, I don’t know if you remember but it's me... Rose and this is Armitage.”

Laughing gently, Rey can't fight the smile. “Hi, Rose.” Then, catching the eye of Armitage, she gives a small Hi.’ Once she felt more comfortable, Rose joins her.

“I’m not sure how to act, I mean, is it rude to ask if you remember me or not?” Taking her hand, Rey can’t help but let out another bark of laughter.

Rose. Always to the point.

“Not at all.” Rey smiled, taking in the features of someone she knew meant so much to her. “It seems to be that the more time I spend around people, the more things come back.”

Rose nods before they both hear a loud curse shouted from the kitchen area. “I better go help Finn or he’ll end up burning the place down.”

Rising, she gently rubs her arm along Armitage's shoulder in passing, quietly asking if he needs anything.

Smiling at the affection, Rey can’t help the quiet stab of jealousy that rears its ugly head.

Were Ben and I affectionate to one another?

“Rey?” The smile still on her lips, Rey meets the eyes of the man introduced as Armitage, dressed in a sharp, fitted grey suit. His outfit was a contrast of style and colour to Rose’s bright red hair, making him stand out with his pale skin, ensuring his emerald green eyes pop. He has the look of a man who thirsts for knowledge and enjoys being in the know. The soft fuzz of similarly coloured hair as that on his head softened the sharp edge of his jaw.

“Why does it feel wrong to call you Armitage?”

The question makes him smile. “Because, my dear, you normally call me Hux."

“Is that your last name?” His smile deepens as he nods to her.

“We met in a…” Bright lights and pulsing bodies come to the forefront of Rey’s mind, a catchy beat and the mixture of alcohol and sweat attack her senses, “we met in a club?”

Nodding his head again, he leans forward clasping his hands in front of him. “It was the same night you met Ben.”

Rey feels herself deflate at the mention of Ben, frustrated that memories with others seem to be flowing back easily whilst the enigma that is her husband seems to be permanently lost.

“You’re friends?”

Nodding once more, “I’ve worked with Ben for a very long time, and I can honestly say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him.”

She feels the burn of tears, exasperated by her lack of memories. “He’s been lying to me.”

“He’s not always the wisest of the bunch.” The comment makes her laugh, brushing away tears that have dared to fall.

“I don’t want to be like this, I’m trying to remember… but why didn’t he tell me?”

Considering Rey’s words, Hux absentmindedly scratches at his beard, “I can’t imagine what you are feeling Rey, but I can sympathise with Ben. I was married to a beautiful woman named Phasma once. We were young and so in love, but she got sick and well...”

He needn't go on as Rey reached out, taking his hand, but he continued and she heard the pained tone in his voice, “I thought the sun had set on my entire existence and I would have given up at that very moment if it hadn't been for you and Ben.”

“And you met Rose?” A genuine smile lit up his face at the mere mention of the other woman.

“You introduced me to Rose and she showed me how to love again.”

“Rey, I was at the hospital the night of the accident.” Startled, her grip tightens on his hand, this tragedy that had turned her life upside down only remembered through unfocused memories and unreliable nightmares. “I saw you and I saw the moment Ben thought he’d lost you forever.”

“His world shattered.” Rey sniffs, fighting the lump in her throat “I'm not justifying his actions, but maybe he was afraid?"

“So he lied to me instead?”

“Again, he’s not the wisest.” They both chuckle as Rose and Finn finally join them, a tray of drinks and goodies in hand.

“Everything ok in here?” Finn asks concern written across his face as he notices the tears in Rey’s eyes. A gentle smile from her eases him slightly as Hux rises to his feet.

“I shall leave you to your movie night.” Lowering himself to kiss Rose affectionately on her head, he turns to leave, barely making it to the door.

“Hux, wait.”

*

She feels sick.

Is it the four slices of pineapple pizza I devoured? Or the fact that I’m about to have an actual conversation with my actual husband?

She had apologised to her friends profusely, feeling guilty about ruining the movie/friends bonding session that had been originally planned, but if she didn’t do this right now she knew she wouldn’t settle.

She could hear them in the kitchen, all sitting around the painted white, oak table. The immaculate grey and white kitchen looked like something out of a catalogue. The hushed whispers between Rose, Finn and the quiet, confident tone from Hux did little to ease her nerves.

The door opens and her nerves sky-rocket, feeling a mixture of the jitters and panic all in one go. Poe heads straight towards the kitchen, winking as he walks past and closes the door behind him.

And then nothing.

She knows he’s there, can sense him through the wall, but she can’t seem to make herself move as she remembered the expression on his face from the hospital when she had pulled away, those expressive eyes that communicate with her without him needing to speak.

The first sound of a step in the hall causes her to call out, “Wait!.”

He stopped instantly, never saying a word as Rey closed the space between them, her fingers brush along the wall when she reaches it.

“I can’t concentrate when I look at you..”

“Am I that bad to look at?” His voice is deep, smooth like honey, causing a shiver to trickle down her spine.

“Quite the opposite actually.” She can hear him breathing through the open door, both of them leaning against opposite sides of the wall

“Is this too weird? Having conversations like this?”

“Rey, sweetheart, I hate to break it to you, but we aren’t exactly a normal couple.” She hears him sit, imagines him stretching those long legs in front of him, probably taking up the entire width of the hall.

“Husband?” The word still feels foreign to her, but when she thinks of Ben with that title she can’t help the fluttering feeling rising inside her chest. “Why did you lie to me?”

She hears his clothing move as if he’s shuffling, struggling to find his words. He sighs deeply, “The first time I saw you was an accident, I’d come to check on your progress with Luke and you barrelled into me.”

She remembered being shocked by his height, how he had stopped her from falling on her ass. “You kept me from falling.”

“Yeah.” They were silent again, both lost in the memory, “And I tried to do what Luke asked, I was going to leave, but then..” He groans as if pained and she hears a small thud behind her, imagining him hitting his head against the wall, the anguish apparent in his tone, “then I saw you in the damn rain and I was transfixed.”

Her hand reaches out, sliding against the floor until its visible through the doorframe, she knows when he’s noticed it by the slight hitch in his breathing. “I fell in love with you all over again.”

His callused fingers run across her own, “I’m sorry for lying to you, I’m sorry for not telling you before that damn nurse did.” They both scoff at that.

“I’m sorry for a lot of things…” Quiet again, the only sounds came from the kitchen.

“I brought you this.” His hand leaves hers as a familiar piece of fabric is slowly pushed into her view. 

Her plaid shirt, no, his plaid shirt. 

Taking it, she can’t help but press the fabric against her nose, the soft material smelling of fabric softener and a faint hint of something masculine that she hadn’t noticed before.

Ben.

The shirt forgotten, she moved on her hands and knees, quickly shuffling around the corner, and nearly headbutting Ben in the process.

Eyes meet, an array of unspoken emotions crossing over both their faces. Working on instinct, Rey moves to sit on his lap, her hands finding their way into his hair and her lips gently pressing against his own.

“Take me home...husband.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that takes the time to read this and comment! I haven't written much in the past few years so I find all this really nerve-wracking!  
> Your thoughts about this literally keep me going so thank you!
> 
> Thoughts? Feelings? Let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Thoughts? Let me know :)


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